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Category: Satire
Come closer now, I have something to tell you…
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especially if you are:
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Make sure you are sitting comfortably on your
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Take care of any discomfort you may have
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take a good
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and we can see if this is a pile of
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or
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or
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Depending on where you work and what you are like
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You can get a funny look on your
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Because things are difficult to
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you might think I am having a
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One thing can lead to another
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or just a
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You can use your own
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To make your own mind up about what I am like….
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or a
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“The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.”
“Greed, in all of its forms — greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge — has marked the upward surge of mankind.”
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Q.E.D. quod erat demonstrandum
{and not quantumelectrodynamics}
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see,
I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I’m easy come, easy go,
Little high, little low,
Any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to
Me, to me….
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Frederick Mercury
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Rather than confront inconvenient truths there is a human tendency to engage is escapism. This may be entertainment, politics or a simple refusal to look at and/or accept truths.
“If we carry on just like we are, a fairy godmother will appear. At the swish of her wand the climate crisis will disappear and we can carry on raping the planet and shitting plastic into its oceans.”
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The kind of escapism, where only the bearers of good, upbeat news, get voted into power. Is dangerous and myopic.
“There is no problem with climate change, the coronavirus is just like a cold and the Swissies have bailed us all out in CHF, there will be no more repercussions.”
But people will over promise to get into power and then blame someone else when they don’t deliver.
“It is all down to that fairy godmother, she promised she would save us all. She has gone back on her promises, she even wrote a spell on the side of a big red bus! What a cow!”
This onus on some external “saviour” to put everything right, to conquer evil and save our souls aside from being ultra-passive negates our responsibility. There is a chance that Greta Thunberg is seen as a diminutive saviour and an IKEA prepacked answer to climate change. Because she is in the news we can relax and do sweet fanny Adams.
Really?
It is always some bugger else’s job to fix stuff. We can sit here and point the finger wisely and do jack shit.
The idea that Christ came to save our souls, to redeem us from sin, is both convenient and a cop out. It is a fallacy. He came to show the way and not to let us off the hook and do the job for us. The notion of a carte blanche slate wipe is the stuff of lysergic acid induced unicorn dreams. There is no get out of jail free card. It is a justification and an escapism.
Sooner or later the scales of karma await. Place your bets if you do not believe me.
“I know there is a financial crisis. Let us borrow money we don’t have so as to keep the level of services we have become accustomed to. We can always ask Acme Monopoly Inc. to print us some more currency, it is even more environmentally friendly these days. We have computers, there is no need for killing trees to make banknotes. Printing money is eco-friendly. Are we not wonderful green warriors? Don’t worry about the interest payments we can always borrow some more money to cover them.”
Putting stuff off until Monday next week when we can then re-schedule it for the next quarter is unwise and not timely. Of course, we can then reschedule until the next financial year, if it seems convenient so to do and we can thereby avoid any nasty decisions.
“In the context of inflation let us put off HS2 until next year to save money, when due to inflation the prices will be higher…Genius at work!”
The thing is the fairy godmother does not exist. I am sorry to piss on your fire / burst your bubble…
We cannot pin our hopes on a saviour to get us out of this mess, we as a humanity have to change…and swiftly so.
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If you are insular and myopic, you might be concerned about Gary Lineker, Gary Glitter and Jeremy Hunt’s Budget as per the UK press. {Not Gareth Hunt}
“Do you want to be in my gang?”
Or if you read Reuters:
“March 14 (Reuters) – Shockwaves from the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank further pounded global bank stocks on Tuesday as assurances from President Joe Biden and other policymakers did little to calm markets and prompted a rethink on the interest rate outlook.”
There is growing fundamental uncertainty and the deal to build fresh nuclear submarines is still big news.
There is one centuries old trick Cruella forgot. Why not ship the cross-channel immigrants off to Australia where they can assist in ethnic cleansing of the population?
It worked before, there is precedent.
Seems to me that humans are not great at learning from history. Ship your troubles off rather than face the causal reality. Out of sight, out of mind. It always worked stunningly well…before.
“There is nothing to see here. Move along, move along”.
When people are talking about problems for Credit Suisse all the reassurances of government seem a bit hollow. Concern about the energy price cap could quickly fade in importance. Domestic political priorities may cease to seem so very all encompassing. The sickness which caused the prior credit crunch has not been healed or cured.
In the blue books the Tibetan talks about an incoming New Age. When the world is already choc-a-bloc with stuff and edifices, there is not much space. So called “Tech.” has been shedding jobs, the bubble of assumed efficacy of internet advertising may yet pop. The vast revenue streams could dry up. Instalinktokbook, will no longer be so profitable.
I don’t know about you but I never buy anything pushed by an annoying internet advert. I just switch off, mentally. It has got to be a con of sorts.
The implications are that a New Age will need fundamental change and an entirely new paradigm. The old edifices will not yield willingly and nature, process, may have to be the force of change. As the current world “growth” paradigm fails under the tumult of climate change, there will be a period of considerable flux and uncertainty as humanity struggles to find its feet. The cost of climate crisis will grow exponentially and people do not understand non-linear phenomenon. Wishful thinking and crossing fingers, won’t work.
Who exactly is going to finance the cost of trying to mitigate the effects of climate change? Which insurers will offer affordable premiums?
“Don’t worry it will be alright. COP 50 in Svalbard will get it all sorted.”
Science fiction experiments like designer cities in the desert seem grandiose and smack a little of the metaphor of the Tower of Babel. Man’s arrogance knows no bounds, planetary forces are considerably more powerful than even a multiple kilo-ton nuclear warhead.
“Phew, covid is over, now we can relax and get back to “normal” …”
“I know let’s get Boris, Donald and Jair back in office. They always have an “upside” to sell us…Thank God for their visionary excellence. No doom and gloom there.”
People are not being real they are allowing themselves to be distracted by Love Island, Eurovision and bullshit about great post Brexit deals.
Of late we have been pondering on who is not represented in the news and the media at large. Increasingly we are the target for daytime TV adverts for SAGA holidays, one off pay up front funeral plans {cremation}, and specialist travel insurance for people with pre-existing medical conditions.
If I get really bored one day I might ask for some insurance quotations, colon cancer and myeloma are likely to have an upward pressure on the insurance quote. I could be a difficult customer on a sufficiently rainy day.
I am not a heavily tattooed ginger mixed race hexadecimally oriented blind quadriplegic of Aboriginal extraction with fluid sexuality upon the autism spectrum with an eating disorder and multiple plastic surgery implants. Therefore, I find myself underrepresented on mainstream television and in social media.
In alien terms I am a “grey”.
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As a 58 year old heterosexual British white male with above average intellect and an obese body mass index without real morbidity I am next to invisible. Provided I don’t strut about at the supermarket nobody notices me, in winter. I dress scruffily and fit in visually with my fellows. People now automatically assume that I am from here. I could go pretty much anywhere in this neck of the woods, apart from posh places, and nobody would raise an eyebrow.
In summer if am wearing a vest people notice me.
I find a lot of this so-called “woke” bollocks to be highly self-indulgent posturing and posing for effect. I suspect there are many hypocrites. There is a lot of trendy “right-on” codswallop these days. I have little or no idea which music acts are popular. Few of the TV series and films currently produced are of any interest and engagement whatsoever.
I, we, the great invisible are a market that is not currently catered for. We are not yet old enough for stairlifts.
Dishy Rishi and Jeremy Hunt are apparently seeking to get the likes of me back into economic activity. Many people my age, like uncle Boris for example, are earning vast wedges of cash spouting off, others are at their most productive. It is very unlikely that I will ever be employed again. I may do a spot of tutoring if the finances get very tight and that is about it.
Because we do not leave the compound much, I am even more invisible. In public the wife speaks and I am largely silent, there is yet another cloak of invisibility.
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I wonder how many more invisible people there are?
There must be millions of us who think that the world is going stark staring mad…
Homo invisibalis…
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How to win friends and influence people…
Save the NHS – we know best…{Tories}.. we can use all the money we saved from the EU…doh
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Please get real…the problems are at home and will not be solved by “jets to Ukraine…”
Wake up and smell the coffee posh-boy — get real…
It seems to me that there is a current trend to enforce some bizarre agenda in which works of literature are sanitised to remove potential trigger words for the self-important, the self-obsessed, and the overly dramatically “sensitive”. An agenda where disciplinary action is demanded for mis-gendering someone verbally. Somebody must pay for all this transgression. I think it is time that these people, demanding punishment, don some bizarre uniform, gather together and hand out disciplinary action by means of a noose to those who have the temerity to be politically incorrect as per the accepted dogma of the “thought police.” Time to turn from the metaphorical lynching to the physical plane enactment and manifestation of this bile.
It is sad, in the guise of wanting more freedoms they are in fact oppressing. But they are blind to this, it must be all those puberty suppressing hormones.
We are heading fast to Fahrenheit 451, where books are burned. Soon there will be apps to remove any “sensitive” words from text. Already Word is suggesting that I don’t use the word shit.
{This language may be offensive to your reader!!}
When one thinks of a fascist state one imagines police with batons on horses charging striking miners, not harridans {of any real or imaginary gender} with multiple piercings calling for the death of literary artists. If we have sunk so low as “the masked singer” there does not appear to be anything left at the bottom of the cultural abyss. But there probably is. We shall see.
When a society gets around to redacting works of literature it is in deep, deep shit.
{This language may be offensive to your reader!!} {bless}
When people are afraid to say that these behaviours are wrong, and silly, it has gone way too far.
Soon we will all, men included, and anyone, anything, with a penis, have to become a “Sitzpinkler”. Apparently, you can get toilets which admonish you in the voice of Angela Merkel if you lift the toilet seat up!!
On the one hand we have a brutal war in Eastern Europe, famine in Africa and on the other hand we have people squabbling about whether a rapist with a penis should be in a woman’s prison.
FFS.
Maybe in the fullness of time it will be illegal to piss standing up as this is culturally offensive and misogynist. We should all sit in solidarity with our oppressed sisters and more mentally gender fluid comrades.
Standing to piss is culturally offensive and misogynistic!
Lock up the vertical urinators!
Making toilet seats that can be raised is culturally wrong, we need to pass some EU legislation to stop this heinous patriarchal practice. Their urinary hegemony must be resisted at all cost!!
All hail the holy and enlightened Sitzpinklers!!
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*I was seated the entire time whilst I was taking the piss writing this little piece…
Over the last few days I have been toying with the idea of creating an Instagram photography site.
My exclusive new lingerie range is due for release soon. It is designed for heavily built, hirsute, ex-front row rugby players. The idea is to bring out the inner-tranny hidden deep within. It comes in all sizes XL, XXL, XXXL and XXXXL. I could model it in home shot videos. I might need to put a trigger warning and ensure that my nipples are covered with Cornish pasties or Greggs steak slices.
I have bee scanning my archives and there are some fine photos therein.
I have been toying with the Breizh – Cymru theme. Most of the photos are taken here in Bro Dreger…
Ideas include:
Breeze-Breizh
Breizh, bugs and flowers…
Kembraeg – Brezhoneg
Breizh – Llydaw – Bro-gembre
Breizh – Kembread – Photography
Breizh – Kembraeg – Luc’hskeudennerezh
That last one is a bit long….
Traou an Dour 
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