Golden Lotus

Floating free in the æther

the golden lotus

swirls on the pond

of inner sacred space

Om Ah Hum

Three Petals open

Om Ah Hum

Then three more

Om Ah Hum

Now there are nine

Perfect kernel of wisdom

still clasps tight knowledge

sealed within its naked bud

radiant magnificence

Sat upon the leaves of gold

the sea electric

whirlpools round

an ice blue vortex

all wisps and whispers

Call in the fire

the lightning snakes

Strikes once

Strikes twice

A dual conveyor

one going up

one coming down

the blue electric fire

Now tinted with indigo

deeper and more vibrant

ocean deep

and current strong

The bud rises on its

Auric pin

stretching

the snakes and ladders

pulsing now, a heart

The bud rotates

and finally yields

through open wings

peeling chrysalis back

to show brilliance

Pure ecstatic white

faceted with stardust

crispest Diamond

sparkles like February’s

coldest dew at dawn

The jewel levitates

and starts to turn

gaining brilliance

with each revolution

Behold resplendent!!

The Jewel in the Centre of the Lotus

Om Mane Padme Hum

Discipleship in the New Age – Selected Letters to Disciples

To R.R.R.

May 1939

BROTHER OF MINE:

You may here rightly ask me: In what way do I hinder? I am not ambitious. I do not make trouble of a group kind; I only make trouble for myself. I try to be loving and kind. I work as hard as I think I should. I love the truth and I endeavor to meet requirements.

All of this may be true, my brother, but these statements do not constitute an alibi for what is wrong. The thing that can wreck the building work, which your group is intended to do, is the violence of your reactions and vibrations when you are emotionally upset (and this is of frequent occurrence) and the furious self-assertion whereby you endeavor to justify such violence, and your dramatic self-pity. Unless you can learn to decentralize yourself, and cease this constant self-thought and self-commiseration under all circumstances, and stop visualizing yourself at all times as in the center – yourself as the worker, yourself as the group member, yourself as the sufferer from others’ misunderstandings and mistakes, yourself as of importance – and learn to see yourself as you truly are, you can and do hinder the work and imperil the future constructive work of the group. This you know.

You love no one truly but yourself. If you loved truly and impersonally, you would not cause the pain you do to those who love and believe in your capacity; you would be more magnetic and this on a wider scale, for, as yet, you are only magnetic to those who recognize your personality and love your personality. It is from this lack that your work suffers. Yet it could so easily all be changed, if you learnt that divine indifference which you need – indifference to yourself and to your personality interests, likes and dislikes, indifference to your cares, anxieties and successes. You would then be in a position, really, to sense the importance of the work, the uniqueness of your opportunities at this time, and your really strategic position. But you are too full of fear and of self-interest and so fail to make the needed impact upon those who need your help. They get the impact of your cares and fears and your demand to be liked. Can you change this? I am telling you nothing new. Among the chelas in my Ashram, you are in the position of the naughty, wilful child, for your errors and faults are those of a child and are not adult faults at all. You dream in a child’s dream world.

You must grow up, my brother, for the world needs adult workers at this time and you can meet the need; you can do great and good work; you can make a soul impact upon those around you; you can cease from being a destructive agent and become a constructive worker. But this will only be possible if your likes and dislikes, your personality determinations and affections, your feeling and your physical ailments fade out of the picture and only the world’s need remains and the longing to meet it – as you can. As, I repeat, you can. I and the group need you.

I offer you neither suspension nor the opportunity to resign. I ask you to face the issue and make good. Fight this matter out and fight it out alone. Learn to keep the things which concern yourself to yourself – a thing you have never yet learnt. Do not let your group brothers down by resigning or by a violent explosion – the repercussions of which must hurt and damage. Face life steadily, like an adult who has learnt in the school of wisdom, that the trend of all things is good. Handle life with love as a member of the New Group of World Servers.

NOTE: This disciple is still fighting out the battle but no indication has yet come from the Tibetan that the victory is sufficiently gained to warrant more active work in the Ashram. R. R. R. is still outwardly inactive in relation to the group.

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To P.G.C.

September 1943

BROTHER OF MINE:

It seems to me that so oft I have to say this year to hard-pressed chelas: The way has been difficult. But so it is, and your way in life has been no exception. Great waves of karmic impact have beaten upon our Earth – that little ship adrift in time and space and sailing the great ocean of the cosmos. The Lords of Karma have looked towards our planet. Energy follows thought and that, my brother, is all that karma is – the impact of directed energy upon the Earth, upon the kingdoms in nature, upon man and upon the individual disciple. Much of this karma, especially now, is not individual in purpose, nor is it generated in any way by the individuals affected by it, be it an individual disciple, or an ordinary human being. It is largely incident at this time to the karma of the One in whom we live and move and have our being. It is primarily also in the sphere of Shamballa, and has small relation in the first instance to humanity at all. This means but little to you, I realize. This karma working out in Shamballa has, however, led to the vitalizing of the activities of certain “wilful” men; they have loosed great evil upon the Earth. But this karma will also produce the stimulation of goodwill, and thus lasting good will offset temporary evil. This must not be forgotten.

The problems which have confronted you as an individual, as a disciple and as a member of the New Group of World Servers have been difficult, but you are weathering the storm and your little ship will live through the gale. All is preparatory to an increased output in service – service which will develop normally without undue planning, and which will be accessory to your life task of meeting your home and your healing responsibilities.

This, as I hinted in your six seed thoughts last year, is summed up in the words there found: “Your duty and your goal go hand in hand.” This condition is apt to present more difficulties than a definitely clear-cut distinction. Relationships have to be more carefully adjusted and the time equation most carefully organized and planned. Your second ray nature makes the first possible, your first ray attributes aid in the second. Your major emphasis this year should be the establishing of the most loving “right relations” with all in your immediate environment.

What I am referring to, my brother, is deepening, and this deepening must be consciously carried forward. One of the things which I desire to see in all the members of this group in my Ashram is a process of deepening, carried forward through realization, silence, loving understanding and inner synthesis. That is why it is essential that all of you read and study each other’s papers and instructions, so as to arrive at this depth of insight, vision and source of activity. All the outer relations will then – both of the individual disciple and of the group – be implemented from this inner center, and will therefore be lasting, sound and constructive.

Your particular work in my Ashram is (as well you know) connected with the Network of Light which must be created in the world, and with the furthering of the Triangles of Light… I would ask three of you… to form the inner central triangle, and together and in constant consultation establish some uniformity and continuity of work. Continue with the work you are now doing and in the way you are doing it, but deepen (again that thought) the content of what you give to the people who read the notes you send out.

I feel no need to give you any set meditation. The group meditation, your own reflective work upon your task as a disciple (and this should be intensified), and your subjective meditation upon the Network of Light with your two Triangle members will provide you with adequate focal points for soul emphasis. Here I have given you a definition of meditation given by a Master to a group of disciples. He is not one of the Masters known to you or the outer world, for he only takes into his Ashram those who are in preparation for the third initiation, and then only those who are pledged to undertake certain definite activities for which he trains them. These “focal points of emphasis” are of many differing kinds and should distinguish your type of meditation throughout the coming year. Such focal points are brief, dynamic, potent and emphatic and are only possible when the antahkarana is in process of definite construction, as is the case with your work along this line.

I find little more to say to you, my brother. The reason for this is that we work in a peculiarly close manner at all times and you are very active in the work of my Ashram. You do not require, therefore, to hold lengthy discussions and to receive long instructions from me at various annual points. We talk at times throughout the year, and this again you know. Hence the brevity of this communication.

————————————————————————–

To  L. T. S-K.

September 1943

BROTHER OF MINE:

Our association together has existed for many years. It also began many lives ago. You should have advanced to a more intimate stage of discipleship had it not been for your always ready and still persistent response to the unreal, the unnecessary, and to that which comes in between you and the clear, steady enlightened progress upon the Path which should be yours. You will note that I use not the word glamor here. The reason is that it is apparently an entirely meaningless word to you, and I felt that I should emphasize the fact that glamor (as far as you are concerned) means that which sidesteps you from the desired service, that which engrosses your attention and prevents you from concentrating on the realities of life and circumstance, that which places you always at the center of some big scheme as the master-mind making some discovery, as the architect of some building which is intended to house humanity, and that which comes between you and the simple duty of a pledged disciple – for that you unchangeably are.

You have, my brother, a good illustration of what I mean in the two plans which you have evolved during the past six months for world salvage and unity. One of them was supposed to be in response to my request for a paper, but another paper which I asked you to write is still unwritten and that paper was more important than the other. These plans were drawn; time was taken in submitting them to various people, and to what end? There was in them nothing new. The minds and some of the best minds in every country in the world are formulating them. Your plans were simply compilations of familiar suggestions which have already been presented in better form to the public. What end, therefore, did they serve? Only to sidetrack you from the simple duty of today; only to feed that inclination on your part to do something great; only to prevent you from a true and practical cooperation in my plans which you know well and which the disciples in my Ashram are pledged to materialize. It is their group duty, not from the angle of authoritative demand, or in a spirit of blind obedience but because from free choice and identity of purpose (as far as they can realize it) they are in my Ashram; they have willingly responded to my planned intentions and in a spirit of dedication to the good of humanity.

All this indicates to me that you are still prone to slip into the thralldom of the vague vision, the grandiose formulations of something and are negatively responsive to the collective ideas of forward-thinking men, for you do no positive or original thinking of your own. Glamor still holds you.

You might well ask, my brother: Why then keep me in your group? Why not wait until I have learnt better and have dropped this tendency? Because you need the protection of the Ashram and you need – from the center of protection – to learn then to accept the duty of obedience to the ashramic intent and to work under the direction of the loving intentions of those whom you do recognize as more experienced disciples than yourself. You are in my Ashram also from old association and because you earned the reward of this recognition and opportunity by being the first to appreciate the significance of my books and the teaching that they convey, and to aid the effort of A.A.B. For that reason you earned the right to my appreciation and hers, and have had them both. That was the one clear bit of spiritual thinking you have done in this incarnation. Therefore, the Ashram protects you, and your brothers stand around you, and for this brief incarnation you are a liability – but a liability which can, with your cooperation, be changed in your next incarnation into a group asset.

There is consequently no need for the slightest discouragement and I say that with definite purpose and truth. There is only room for the acceptance of facts. What facts, brother of mine? Let me (with my usual frankness) tell you. Let me point out to you what I feel and those who know you best feel should be your attitude for the remainder of this life. If you accept these ideas and cooperate willingly, you will do much to free yourself; if you refuse to see the light, you will but delay the process and continue to exact the protecting care of the Ashram for a longer period. Let me first highlight your career of glamor so as to prove to you, intelligently, the points I seek to make.

I shall not deal with your life, prior to the recognition period which enabled you to render me and the world outstanding service. Your recognition and aid of the work I was doing has released certain energies which will have much to do with the changing of the consciousness of humanity. Remember that the Hierarchy has this service of yours in mind.

There was the glamor of the wonderful discovery you were going to make, covering several years of experimentation and leading nowhere. Why? Because you had neither the training nor the capacity to do the work. It will be better done and in other ways and by better minds than yours. Your equipment was not adequate.

There was the glamor of spiritual power which led some of your group brothers astray for months. There has always been a glamorous response to personalities who have misled and glamored you in the business world and led you into devious and difficult situations, and which forced you, eventually, to recognize that they were not the least what you had thought. What is this but the glamor of personalities? Until you have learnt to see people as they truly are, you cannot do the exoteric work of a disciple.

Then came an interlude. I asked for your resignation from the group, and the door of the inner Ashram closed upon you. That was very good for you and you endeavored in that period to attend to the business of life, watching yourself with care. Then the door of the Ashram reopened and you were readmitted to the group life. For a year all seemed well, but the dual stimulation of the Ashram and the active work in my group proved too much, and glamor again enveloped you.

You started by formulating large schemes for world regeneration and for a super-organization, and yet all that time the work that I wanted done and the outlines of the work as indicated by me, and to which your group brothers and my Ashram are pledged, played no part in your planning. You have been unhappy and bewildered because of the lack of sympathy, yet what would you have your brothers do? Would you have them aid me in helping you to free yourself from wild schemes and planning, or would you have them back you up and strengthen the hold that glamor has upon you?

Here are my suggestions, brother of mine, given in all love and understanding, and with a real appreciation of your sincerity of devotion, your great and beautiful staying-power, your essential humility and your very real need for protection.

  • Accept the fact that you need protection, and be grateful.
  • Accept the fact that in this life you have neither the mental equipment nor the clear vision to enable you to be a leader, an organizer or a drawer of blueprints for the Hierarchy.
  • Accept the fact that you are not young enough to make many basic personality changes, for the sixth ray crystallizes too rapidly.
  • Accept the fact that in the performance of your home and business duties and in the effort to bring happiness to those in your environment lies for you the immediate solution of your problem. A simple, humble life of service and of self-forgetfulness will do more to free you than any violent endeavor to understand and combat glamor. You do not yet even comprehend what it is; it can only be overcome by the illumined mind, and there is therefore, for you, nothing else to be done but to strengthen your soul contact by practical spiritual living upon the physical plane, and by a complete refraining from all thought anent the future world, future scientific discoveries, future world orders, and the manner whereby they can be instituted.

The moment your mind becomes preoccupied with the universal aspects of life it is thrown into confusion; its thought-form-making proclivities become violent, and the illumination of the soul is then unable to penetrate. You need to learn to bring that illumination into your personality daily life upon the physical plane. What measure of it you have received has been retained upon the mental plane and dedicated to matters far too big for you in this incarnation and with your present equipment. This has led to a chronic state of glamor. Live practically, sweetly, humbly and lovingly for the remainder of this life, and demonstrate beauty in personality relations. You will thus release your mind from pressures too great for it, and so begin to tread the way of liberation.

Can you do this, my brother? Can you bring spirituality into business and live in the business world as a disciple? If you cannot do this, you will have to learn to do it, because discipleship leaves no aspect of life unlived, and business is an aspect of human living. Can you bring naught but peace, happiness and confidence into your home and into your association at the Headquarters of my work in the world? Can you begin to be one to whom the enquirer can turn for help, knowing that he will get enough practical assistance to enable him to see the next step ahead? You can do and be all these things, my brother. Your task is to demonstrate discipleship in the daily life, and not to duplicate the discipleship of those more advanced than yourself.

Do the group work and meditation as indicated. I assign you no special work. I seek to see you more closely integrated into the group in my Ashram of which you are a part. Have no doubts and questionings. You are a part of my Ashram, and that brings the needed protection, as well as certain risks of over-stimulation. The love and understanding and gratitude of your group brothers stands with warmth around you. I have no need to assure you of my protecting care and constant interest. The years must have proved it to you.

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To D.E.I.

September 1943

MY BROTHER AND MY FRIEND:

Since you entered the cycle beginning with your forty-second year, life has held for you constant change, many and drastic adjustments and much responsibility. To this must be added the turmoil and the chaos of the war. This has made great demands upon your strength and your judgment. You have responded well. You have helped many and have grown in wisdom. You have shouldered responsibility for some phase of the work initiated in my Ashram or by my co-disciple, A.A.B. She is not a member of my Ashram. You have my understanding and her unfailing support.

Inevitably, my brother, this situation which you have had to handle in relation to the work for which you are responsible, in relation to your personal and family life and to the future which lies open before you, has entailed much strain. To these factors must be added another one which is that you are essentially alone. This basic loneliness is due to several things: First, that you are in training for leadership, and leaders have to learn to stand alone, and can ever do so if they love enough. Secondly, the force of circumstance and the need to work off certain karmic relations has increased your daily contacts, and at the same time has left you far more alone than you were six years ago. Thirdly, because the greater can always include the less is a lesson which all leaders in training have to grasp; the reverse, my brother, is not true, and the result is loneliness. Ponder on all this and accept it; stand free and move forward on your chosen path, refusing to be limited by those who cannot go your pace. This again means loneliness. And finally, a need for a more loving understanding at times isolates you from your fellowmen, particularly from your co-workers, and you need to beware of a growing critical spirit.

The lessons of leadership are hard to learn, and with these lessons you will be confronted as the years slip away – if you so wish and can face the music. The music is there and will emerge in full tonal quality once you have resolved the discords and established the theme and the rhythm.

What are the lessons which all true leaders have to learn? It might be of service to you if I put one or two before you – very briefly, so that you can (if truly in earnest to serve your fellowmen, as I believe you are) begin to master them, to understand their need and to apply them to yourself with a view to fuller and more useful service.

The first lesson is the lesson of vision. What are your goals? What is the spiritual incentive which will be and is strong enough to hold you steady to the purpose and true to the objective? No one can formulate the vision for you; it is your own personality problem, and upon the strength of the vision and the beauty of the picture which you paint with your imagination will depend much that you do and become.

The second lesson is the development of a right sense of proportion. This, when truly developed and correctly applied, will enable you to walk humbly on the Way. No true leader can be anything but humble, for he realizes the magnitude of his task; he appreciates the limitations of his contribution (in the light of the vision) and the need for constant self-development and the cultivation of the spirit of steady inner spiritual learning, if he is ever to make his proper contribution. Therefore, keep learning; keep dissatisfied with yourself and your attainment, not in any morbid sense, but so that the principle of growth and of pushing forward and onward may be fostered in you. We help others through our own effort to attain; this means clear thinking, humility and constant adjustment.

The third lesson is the development of the spirit of synthesis. This enables you to include all within the range of your influence and also to be included within the range of influence of those greater than yourself. Thus is the chain of Hierarchy established. You still hold a somewhat isolated position, and this with the best intent in the world; but you need to love more deeply and more understandingly. The hindrance here lies in your personality, which is more wise than loving. Let your soul control your first ray personality more, and many of your present difficulties would disappear.

Another lesson which in reality grows out of the above is the avoidance of the spirit of criticism, for criticism leads to barriers and loss of time. Learn to distinguish the spirit of criticism from the ability to analyze and make practical application of the analysis. Learn to analyze life, circumstances and people from the angle of the work, and not from the angle of your personality point of view; analyze also from the angle of the Ashram, and not from the angle of the executive or the schoolmaster upon the physical plane.

In the six statements which I gave you a year ago were three sentences to which I would call your further and close attention. They are:

    “Let not the doing intervene between the loving.”

    This has much to do with the distribution of time.

    Study the value of the heart at leisure from itself and its problems.

    “Lift up the weak, for you are strong, and strength from many comes to you.”

    This has to do with recognition. Be not entirely occupied with helping, but be willing to be helped.

    Study the value of the imagination in this connection.

    “You move through life with all the power which comes from out my Ashram.”

    This has to do with the handling of energy – and with energy of great potency which will not only invoke the best that is in you but will also evoke the latent seeds of difficulty, which must perforce be removed.

    Study the task of living ever consciously in the Ashram and working from that point of power and peace – going without, yet ever staying within.

I am speaking thus directly to you, my co-worker, because the future holds much of useful service for you, if you continue to be a learner. It takes time, humility and certain recognitions, within yourself, of place and position in the chain of Hierarchy. I cannot too strongly emphasize that to you. Let not the pressures of family life (and no family life is devoid of pressures) and the exigencies of the work plus the activities of an active mind, interfere with the inner learning process which is so essential to all teaching-leaders. That, my brother, is what you can be.

A.A.B. has spoken to me of you from the standpoint of your place in the work of the School. She has not touched upon the personality angles or the need for special developments and growth, for no trained disciple, such as she is, ever interferes with the relation between a Master and his chela. She knows that your relation to me is that. But she has spoken to me about you from the angle of the future. I asked her what she felt was your major need and one that you must meet as you prepare for a larger field of service when she passes over. She made an unexpected reply. She said: “The need for a more fertile imagination.” She is entirely right.

The imagination is a creative faculty. Wherein are you thus creative? Can you picture to yourself by any flight of imagination the task ahead of the Arcane School, for instance, in the postwar world, and your approach to the problem from the angle of what you would like to change or see altered? Changes mean nothing unless they are the result of new vision, for if they emerge out of a criticism of the past and of what has been done, they will prove useless from the angle of the spiritual life, no matter how useful they may be from the angle of the organization.

Have you the perception to realize what an esoteric school essentially has to be? It is not an organized method of meeting world problems, of organizing new orders and ways of living, or of underwriting the efforts of the men and women of goodwill. It goes far deeper than that. All the above are only effects of the esoteric life. Can you imagine your position when – from the teaching angle, the esoteric angle – you may have to be a source of inspiration, and not A.A.B.? From whence will you draw inspiration, and how will you make the world of meaning and the spiritual realities real and provocative to the neophyte?

Can your imagination picture to you your reaction when – because you are the leader – you have to shoulder all the blame for any failure, even when not personally responsible; you have to accept without retaliation the attacks of those you are trying to help, who expect too much from you and who force you to live in the blaze of public opinion; what will you do when your chosen workers fail to understand or prove disloyal or criticize without warrant or pit their ambitions against you, and willfully refuse to see your point of view, and talk about you among other people and whip up resentments against you – resentments which are probably without foundation? These are not the kind of things that your personality easily accepts, and your creative imagination had better begin dealing with these problems so that the emerging principles of conduct may stand clear before you. Have you the inner grace of heart to admit error and weakness or to say that you made a mistake in technique or method or approach, in judgment or in speech, should need arise to heal a breach and in the interests of the work? That has never come easily to you either, my brother. It is a thing, you seldom do.

And having said all this, let me point out your assets and the valuable gifts which you can bring to the work and have for years contributed; they are the qualities which make A.A.B. your loyal friend and ambitious for your progress. You have a recognition of principles which is vital and somewhat rare, and on principles all true work is securely founded. You have a gift of impersonality, as a general rule, which is a great safeguard; and in those times when your personality impulses have controlled, the phase has not been lasting. You have a gift of teaching, clear insight and executive ability and a loving heart when it is sparked into compassion. You have a steadfastness of purpose and an unswerving adherence to duty and dharma and a capacity to shoulder responsibility which has, in the past, and will in the future, prove invaluable to the work required. You have the gift of the written word and an increasing ability to speak, and these are valuable assets indeed when wielded by the soul on behalf of others. You are impulsive, and this at times creates temporary difficulties, but the general trend and tendency of your impulses is right and truly oriented. This is a major asset in your life. You are a pledged and accepted disciple, with the power of your Master’s Ashram behind you and the love of your co-disciples with you.

You have the understanding and loyal affection of A.A.B., and will – from life to life. Against her wishes, I ask you to give her in some small measure what she has so largely given you. At times you fail to grasp the strength of her belief in you. Her health is precarious and she counts much on you. Fail her not, and seek to understand the problems with which she is faced.

You have also my belief and trust, my confidence that you will carry on – learning and living and loving – and again I repeat, on the strength coming from my Ashram you can count, but it reaches you through your soul, and therefore a closer soul contact is increasingly needed by you as the work grows and develops.

—————–

Excerpted from “Discipleship in the New Age I – Personal Instructions to Disciples”

By Alice Bailey and Djwhal Kuhl

Partial Insomnia

Over the last few weeks or so I am back to the partial insomnia. I have no trouble getting off to sleep. I get up around midnight for a bowl of cereal and then go straight back to sleep. Then around 3AM {eternal} I am wide awake. I drift in and out till around 6.

KLF is gonna rock ya ’cause you have to
Move to the flow of the P.D. Blaster
Bass ballistics, I’m gonna kick this hard
And you can catch it
Down with the crew-crew, talking ’bout the Mu Mu
Justified Ancient Liberation Zulu
Got to teach and everything you learn
Will point to the fact that time is eternal

It’s 3 A.M., 3 A.M.
It’s 3 A.M. Eternal (eternal)

This morning I used the time to build the thought forms back from 2008 onwards. They are still fairly intact and easy to assimilate.

A couple of years back I quit smoking and as a consequence slept longer and better. It is not surprising really take away a stimulant-more sleep. The only thing I miss from smoking is the night sky. I used to go outside to smoke and I loved the night sky. In particular I had a long relationship with the plough constellation or the question mark as I refer to it.

My favourite time of day has always been in and around dawn.

As a Ph.D. student I worked in a night club that finished an 3:30 AM. We would tidy up and I would get the night bus home in my black and whites.  While mostly dark I would walk past a dairy and bid good morning to the milkmen getting ready to deliver. The creature of the night economy saying hello to those of the dawn. By 10 AM and having had a snooze and a shower I was back at the Royal Institution for coffee.

There were also a lot of house parties. I would crash and walk home at dawn across London.

I am wondering if the hiatus in medical appointments and the lessening of myeloma related tensions is making me revert to my natural timings. This last year has been a whirlwind…

When we first arrived here, I would sometimes get up and chant in the middle of the night. It is a big house. Back then I was working with AUM or A-U-M. In triangulation I built a 3-dimensional ॐ in the dining room that rotated in time to the chanting. It is still “there”.

The early hours of the morning are before space is cluttered by the emotions and the “thoughts” of local humanity. There is no distortion in the “airwaves”. The mental space is untroubled by those asleep.

I think of this as the time of the South-East. Where night is in that act of handing over to dawn.

I am not worried by the “insomnia”. I got to look out the back door at the clear sky. I even saw the question mark in the clear sky…this morning…

Expansions of Consciousness – Diagrams

As per the blue books, for clarity the funnel is compressed three times so as to sketch the expansions on the same page. You might think of this as a quasi “log” scale. The diameter of the top funnel is something like 10,000 times greater than the diameter of the bottom funnel. The ten thousand is not an meaningful scale but a size indicator. With each initiation consciousness expands. The decision as to which higher path is made at the sixth initiation.

From my meditaion lab book. This was done in a cottage on the Hampton Estate, Farnham, Surrey on the 19th of December 2009. The colours of the three principle ray energies are inidicated in biro.

Praelucere.

He reached down to pick the chestnut from the ground; holding its green and spiky roundness in his hand. Transported back to the schoolyard of short trousers bruised knees and conkers. Vinegar soaked and the pain at loosing a sixer to Jones. He cracked the shell and marvelled at the smooth and shiny surface. He eased it from the tender flesh and held it to his eye. Such perfection and mint as the first garden. He smelled matron and armpits, polish and carbolic, shoe parade before school, chalk, Parker pens and Quink.  It flooded back into the tide of his life. Tears held and distant hillsides waiting for his parents who never came. Table tennis and essays, letters on a Sunday and prep before “lock up”. His pride at the first hair and the confusion of his body. Boyhood fondlings and the first time, the first time that he was silent for the sake of another. Visions of bushmen caves and arrows and hidden skulls. Of buried treasure and lost parchments. How could he know that they would call him a liar for what he saw? He learned to pull back that tongue.

He let it go once and he didn’t know why. He spoke of the dream, in the dream and he touched their hearts.

He ran it through his fingers. Every finger, like silver balls chiming with the rhythmic motion of his life. He weighed and he measured. In that conker he felt. He saw it as the tree it would become. He saw it dangling on a thread. He saw it on the mantelpiece and in a jar. He saw it baked in the oven to make it hard; the conker to conquer. He saw the tricks of the trade. He saw it in the light. And he remembered Mariabronn. 

He stepped forward and into the glen. The cold dawn light matched the colour of his vision. Grey blue, grey blue. And the Son lifting the will o’ the wisp mist. Rising and swirling, seaming the world and steaming. On the edge of the clearing he saw the lone Wolf. Watching. Watching him and he thought he saw it wink. There was a lush knowing in its eyes. It watched him a little longer and in a cough of recognition it turned and left. He went further into the clearing and lay down his sack. He sat down by the sycamore and sighed. He closed his eyes and summoned the dream. He called it to him, asking for the vision of the way ahead. He stilled his breath, closed his eyes and called into the void. He muttered the words the wizard had taught him. And it came.

He saw the lengthening shadows of summer sunsets, long and longer, stretching into the gap between the worlds, the ephemera of a dusk and the in between. The sense of connectedness and the burning in his hands. The feeling of the surge of power in him and his eyes beginning to shine, the pregnancy of the moment and the movement all around. Hush! Hush….Hush. 

Oak tree stump, with clothes of linen white. Pierced by the sword. Sangraal. On the caw the clearing shifted to the marble Temple floor. The oaken altar like pulsing veins and heart, in the clarity of the incense filled room, alive in the rock. The two visions overlapped the clearing and the Temple. How? He felt himself standing and his coarse peaty robes became at once light and delicate. He looked at his hands dirty and fine. He held them out and felt the rainbow between them. He played with it a while, balancing and measuring the flow.

He walked and the moss floor of the Temple moved the marble. Footstep, echoed in hall and in wood, dew and holiness at the same. He moved to the altar and knelt. He felt the dampness of the grass on his knees and then he crossed himself. He bowed his head and the chain-mail rustled.  He reached to his temples feeling his hair and the crown. He clasped his hands together in prayer and the Monks began to sing.  He stood and bent his fingers in doubt. Why? Slowly he reached out his hand then brought it back. He turned and looked back into the clearing it seemed far away. Caught on the song he turned again. As he reached the sleeve fell back. Each hair on his arm was like ocean footsteps, with electrifying eels of exquisite tension. He spread his fingers and turned his hand to cup. As he touched the golden circle exploded in his eyes, the lighting force surged through his feet and welded him to the ground. A circle of light bonded him.  The earth and the heavens flowed within him and he knew. He knew more.

Now trembling he willed his hand to move and as he lifted the Angels called. The fabric of the world was rent and he knew. He moved his hand towards his mouth and inhaled the scent, figs and fenugreek, cardamom and lace, roses and blood, lavender and lemon, corpse and cadaver, butterfly and mint, harpsichord and thunder, seagull and spray, virgins and devils, priests and parchment. Quivering now he brought it to his lips. He raised it and began to sip… 

The raindrop landed on his nose, wetting his marrow within. Quenching like blacksmiths and calming like cobwebs, strung in the mist. He heard the deer approach and bow its head and the robin at his feet. He felt the worms in the earth and the doves in the sky. He felt kangaroo and penguin, polar bear and ant. He felt ivy and hawthorn, mushroom and milk. He saw candle and cavern, river and stream. He knew all that there is and all that has been. And he wept and he laughed.

He looked to his hand and ran it through his fingers, soft and waxy, precious, perfect and Heaven scent.

Shamballa – Deva – Meditation – Vision 27-1-2009

I began doing the Master in the Heart meditation 2nd December 2008. I had little problem visualising the lotus and opening the bud. I had after all been visualizing yellow and blue roses every day for 8 years. Having constructed the Antahkarana I began “seeing” a doorway high up on the mental plane.

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Sat downstairs.

Today I went through the doorway into light on the floor of a temple. It had a Tibetan feel. I was dressed in Tibetan monk’s robes. They were all excited and welcoming to me. They are my brothers.

I had a sense that there was much more coming. So, I went upstairs and lay on the bed.

Once more I “went” into the temple. They were all welcoming. “Welcome back brother you have been gone a long time.” They made me sit down. They began washing me with light of many different colours. They said that they were working on my aura. The light show was absolutely spectacular. There was an iridescence of colours mingling and intermingling. The aura was swept many times.

Suddenly I felt grabbed by an awareness.

There was a flash of deepest royal electric blue. I saw pathways to all sorts of places and a multi-spoked spot which I understood to be the wheel of life. Then I saw stars and a vision of the cosmos.

I had a brief interlude to go downstairs. Back on the bed.

I went through the doorway again and the Tibetan was waiting there.

“Welcome brother. Good to see you.”

“And you brother. This is Shamballa, isn’t it?” I asked.

“Yes”

“Where shall I go?”

They ushered me into a room with a mat deep inside the temple. I was to lie on this mat.

“They are going to work on you.”

“Should I remain conscious?”

“Yes, if you can though it doesn’t overly matter. Try to remember as much as you can.”

Then they began on my left side working first on my eyes and my head sweeping energies up and down through my spinal column and in all the centres. They opened vision in my left eye.

“They are the Deva Lords, aren’t they?”

“Yes, in the department of the Manu.”

Then they began on my right side. I shifted consciousness outside and saw the temple “floating” on a luminous cloud. Then back in with them working on my right side.

The temperatures of the two sides are different. They worked some more on my right side.

Then I felt myself being “struck” directly between my shoulder blades. Once, twice, thrice, four times five times. The impact was intense and permeated everywhere.

I lost consciousness

I had the urge to wake up. It was very difficult to reanimate the form, the body.  I had several goes. In that space I tried to get the wife to help. It did not seem to work. In that “space” her soul was promising to try to change her behaviour. There must be change.

I was getting frustrated and then all of a sudden, I woke up quickly feeling very lightheaded.

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Four earth hours had passed.

“Initiation” Meditation 26-04-2009

Here is my journal entry.

In the meditation today a little trouble settling. Then I said the new moon affirmation. Taking consciousness up to the very top, way above the top jewel and then slowly back down.

Chanted to accompany the opening to Shamballa and a few were waiting there for me. They ushered me in and showed me around to bring me in front of an altar. They took their places two behind me and one on the other side of the altar.

Then the triangle lit up and became imprinted. The one the other side of the altar came round and stood close in front of me. The triangle lit again and rotated. Two triangles forming a three-dimensional six-pointed star with me at the centre of inversion.

Then I had a vision of myself as a thickset man in saffron robes with no hair. I was traveling in space and time; this was to show me the meaning of time and all those palaces and temples.

My consciousness drifted in time and in space, back here to home, to physical plane “reality”. I chanted myself back there. I asked if I was allowed to leave, not yet. Then, back to that place deeper into it. Again, triangles and a shift in the materiality of home. Deeper still with huge swathes of dreaming colour pervading. Next the image of the second contact with the void, that night on Sinai and the yellow rose perfect and embodied in space floating above the floor of the Toltec Temple and in the middle of the inverted triangle insignia.

Floating again in time and space, back to the void to see the thread of my lives reaching out of it and coming towards me. The sparkle silver lightning thread out of the very fabric of the beckoning void.

Then was THAT sense of all-encompassing consciousness.

Back now into the fabric of the building and that sense of companionship. There they comforted with arms around be. D, H and L ushered me with two others towards the portal at Shamballa.

There was only NOW and a deep profound a sense of duty and of sanctity. I have seen things few others have, there was an inswelling of gratitude.

The pervading sense of utter peace at that water drop from the ceiling into the cavern of existence. A sense of beingness and consciousness extending out and rippling towards infinity.

They are now all my brothers. A shiver ran through me that I am loved by my brothers. Again, consciousness expanding out towards infinity. I could see things with my eyes closed, there was no need to use my eyes. There was wave after wave of it.

Then the rod, three times in all. The electric lightning shocks drawn down from the apex of the pyramid on to my back and between my shoulder blades.

Then they opened an ornate and filigree door into another chamber.

There was a spot of light on the floor illuminated by a beam. They asked me to stand in the spot of light and the white brilliant light shone down upon me.

They gave a ball of energy for each hand, and it surged through me several times.

There was an intuition that “I and the Buddha are in one sense one”.

Three concentric blue circles were around me. They rippled up and down my body.

The Christ was there as was the Buddha, I have never seen a being so brim full of love as the Christ, so utterly benevolent. DK was there and yes, I told him that I can withstand.

“This is the inner chamber, and your place is here now. That is your spot.”

“Do you have ideas for me?”

“Yes, but let this pass first.”

“Can I go now?”

“Yes”

Then I “saw” the brightest spark of electric turquoise blue that I had to date seen. Next there was a swirl of kaleidoscope colours.

And then I found myself sat in my meditation chair in Buckinghamshire.

The Temple Annexe

This is a visualisation to assist in Dreaming Practice:

It is one of those hot, balmy, end of summer nights. You are dressed in white linen. The sun is low on the horizon and in the process of beginning to set. The sky is starting to pink just a little. There are a few wispy clouds.  You are in a vast field of ripened wheat, the heads of the wheat are curled over and near ready for harvest. You are carefree, no-one is watching. You allow your left hand to fall to your side to touch the wheat, strolling through the field allowing your fingers to touch what one day, will become bread. The feeling of lightness and joy is upon you.  All the stress has gone from you, you feel young again as you stroll through the wheat field. You come upon a tall dry stone wall and start to explore. You run your fingers over the stone, it is much taller than you.  You notice that the sun is now setting and you must go home. Because you have loved the field so much you resolve to come here again at dawn.

It is now just after dawn, and you are back in the field. The air is as crisp as apples and there is a faint dew on the wheat again you allow your left hand to caress the wheat as you meander through the field. Your eyes are bright and alive. As you approach the wall you wonder what lies beyond it. You follow the wall round to your left touching the sometimes mossy stones with your fingertips. Soon you come upon an archway in the wall. It is taller than you and there is an old wooden door there. There is a metal ring painted in black enamel which you know will open the door. Slowly you reach down and raise the lever. The door opens before you. In front of you, you can see an exquisitely manicured rose garden. The scent wafts over you enticingly. You step forward into the Southern Precinct of the Toltec Temple. There are bed after bed of the most exquisite roses, the scent is overwhelming. In the near distance you can hear the soft gurgle of a fountain. Here in a sunken part of the garden the fountain is surrounded by stone benches, roughly hewn.  You sit and open up your ears to the fountain.

When the utter serenity of the place has begun to deeply imbue you, you decide to explore further. A little in the distance you can see a man working in the rose bed. Today he is tending the yellow roses, turning over the earth and whispering to the roses. As you approach he winks at you. He is the venerable gardener, master of the Southern Precinct.  He has a gift for you. He hands to you a single yellow rose of considerable beauty. He has cut it just now. The cut on the stem is diagonal and perfect. The leaves are dark, dark green and lustrous. The rose itself is of such vibrancy, never have you seen yellow such as this. The flower head is only partially open and the swirl of the petals overlaps in a radial display. The scent is heady.

Taking this single rose you walk along the gravel path to a building which lies ahead. You know this to be an annexe of the great Toltec Temple. As you approach you can see an arched doorway carved in stone. The doors are open and beckon you in. As you pass within you are almost overcome by the sensation of utter silence. You walk upon the black and white marble floor sensing the aeons of its construct. Ahead of you in the Eastern corner is a white marble slab. It is lit by the light of dawn issuing sunbeams onto the altar. You approach the altar and genuflect, cradling the rose in your hands. You lean forward to place it within the sunbeams on the marble slab. As you do so a single drop of dew rolls out of the rose onto the marble slab.  A single tear trickles out of your left eye at the same time. You feel it wind down your cheek.  It drops onto the altar and merges with the dew. You know that soon you will be home.

Rising now you nod your head and retrace your steps out of the annexe, along the gravel path. The venerable gardener has disappeared. You walk past the fountain and out of the archway. Slowly you close the door.  You are now again in the field of wheat, you trail both hands through it, feeling such a sensation of utter poignancy as you have never had before; somehow though you KNOW this feeling only too well.

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